Three Little BIrds

Well, I don't have a whole lot of an update to give (frankly, i don't even remember what happened a week ago so it must not have been very exciting), but I just felt like writing something. I guess it's more of a reflection than an update. This weekend I had a beautiful time in Cabarete at the beach and it was much needed. Now I'm back here realizing the shit-ton of work I have to do and it overwhelmed me for a bit, but I've learned not to take it too seriously because it just stresses me out. I figure this program is pretty insane and I don't want to go insane along with it. Getting things done on my own time is better than losing my mind over due dates. Besides, the due dates change so often that half the time no one is even sure when things are due anyway. It's all about remembering that "every little thing is gonna be alright".

But anyway, I got slapped in the face today when I realized I'm not at the beach and I have to get back into the crazy routine that is this program. And yet somehow I am much more calm than I was before. I think I'm getting better at being in the moment and trying to live right now rather than wasting my time worrying about what i "need" to do. It's not that I think the program is worthless, it's just there is a lot of academic stuff that really isn't helping me or anyone else, so I don't see it as worth stressing out about. I know I'll get things done, and most of the time it is on time, but sometimes you just have to put yourself first and say fuck it, tomorrow is just as good. But I'm not here to worry over deadlines, I'm here to meet new people, get to know a new culture, and maybe try doing something that might be helpful to someone. But I also know that it's really hard for me to come in as an outsider and actually to something of worth when I can never fully ever understand the culture, no matter how good my intentions are. However, there are some little ways that I can surely make someone happy at least for the moment. Today I had one of those experiences.

I was walking back from getting migraine meds at the pharmacy and a man came up to me and asked said hi and asked if i spoke english or spanish. I responded "ambos" (both). He said he'd prefer to speak in english since he's Dominican but from New York. Then he proceeded:
"I'm not going to ask you for money, okay, but I want to ask you a huge favor."
"Okay, we'll see," I responded skeptically.
"Will you buy me something to eat at McDonalds?" he pointed across the street. "I'll go with you and you can buy it for me right there. I don't want your money, I'm just hungry and his way you can be sure that I'm not taking money and using it for something else."
I thought about it and decided, why not? McDonalds is right there, I'm going to be buying it and there are plenty of people around just in case.
"Yeah sure, no problem," I told him.
We were right buy the pharmacy and he said, "Well actually do you think you could buy me some baby milk formula for my daughter? I can go in with you and you can buy it and see if the price is okay."
So I agreed and we went in. But I realized that I had just used up most of my cash throughout the course of the weekend at the beach and just then on meds. And $120 was stolen from my hotel room this weekend too. So even though the baby formula was relatively inexpensive for me, I didn't have enough money to buy it. So I called my parents to ask them to transfer money. I really wanted to help the guy, he seemed genuine, and I would need money soon anyway. I had already emailed my mom about the stolen money and since this was the second time I've been robbed, I knew she was a bit angry with me and thinking "you trust people too much". She's right though. So I felt bad asking for more money, especially when I was gonna spend some of it on buying things for a random stranger. Eventually I got money transferred into my bank account and I decided not to tell my parents what I was doing with it just then (although this blog post is gonna give it away....sorry mama and baba haha...I just had to do it). While we were waiting for the money to be transferred, we talked and he told me a little bit about his life. How he dropped out of high school in New York and that's what ended up screwing him over. And he's taking a free computer class right now to learn some skills that can get him a job. Later on I found out that this same man earlier on had also asked another friend on the program, Lexa, to buy him baby milk. She told me that he had been deported from the US for not paying child support, and he has a little over 3 years left before he can go back. Now he's trying really hard to get his shit together and take care of his family.
Anyway, after talking a bit we walked to the ATM and he stayed outside the door while I went in to get money, and then we walked back to the pharmacy. By this time I was pretty sure that this was a genuinely good person who is just trying to do the right thing. We went to the pharmacy and he also mentioned that he would like to get diapers too because he's been ripping up his shirts to use as cloths but his daughter has a rash, but that if it's too much no worries. I decided to buy them too, but by that point I forgot he asked me to buy a meal and could only remember that there was something else he wanted. I wanted to make sure I wasn't going to be spending too much. When I asked what it was he said, "Oh I had asked for food, but I don't want the food now, this is more than enough. I can't believe you are doing all of this for me, it's truly a blessing from God and I don't want to abuse it."
I said that it was fine and that if he is hungry it's not a problem for me to get him something, even just something little, it's not that much money. But he wouldn't take it. So we paid and he asked if there was anything he could do for me in return. I said no, and he was so happy and grateful for the help. Genuinely. He had also mentioned earlier that his mom is diabetic and needed insulin, but that it can't be bought at this pharmacy. But it was only like 100 pesos (less than 3 bucks), so I gave him that and trusted that he would put it to good use. Three things: baby milk, diapers, and insulin. And that made his day. It gave him some of the basic means necessary to take care of his family. And I helped him do that.

It's these little things that I can do here. For awhile I was just so overwhelmed by the poverty that I just ignored everyone. But this guy was just asking for concrete items that he needs. And it's something I can do. I'm not changing his life situation or getting him a job or doing anything sustainable. But I'm doing what I can do right now. I helped out a little and made him happy, at least for the moment. Writing up an academic report and pretending like it's gonna do the people any good is a joke. We're all just pretending. It's the human connections that make a difference. I think that's what I'm here for.

On my walk back from the whole experience, I walked past an old man who looked literally like skin and bone. Sadly my first reaction was, oh at least he isn't missing limbs. It scares me when I catch myself becoming numb to seeing desperation. But then I realized that this old man is in an even worse position than the man I just helped. So I tossed him a 25 peso coin (less than a dollar) and kept walking. It wasn't until later that I realized I should have bought him something from the street vendors instead. Next time. I don't know what he did with that 25 pesos. I'm hoping he bought food, but I can't be sure. I always think of everything I've learned in school and how sustainability is the only way to help and charity doesn't work etc. I still think that's true. But sometimes charity is the only thing you really can do in that moment. Sustainability takes time. I want to do something sustainable in the future, but when I'm walking along the sidewalk, all I can do is charity. And I don't think I should say, well charity isn't going to last so I might as well not do it all, because I think it is just as needed as long as sustainability isn't happening.

At one street corner there is always a Haitian woman holding her baby in one hand and holding her other hand out for money. Outside of one store sits another Haitian woman whose whole body is crippled because power lines fell on her and she couldn't get any help. She says she has a job, it is to ask for money to take care of her two daughters. A man shows his crippled leg to passengers in conchos at stop lights and holds out a cup for money. At the monument, a man with a severely dislocated shoulder asks us for money, but even though we all have drinks in our hands, "somehow" none of us seem to have any to give him. Around lunchtime, two little boys stand outside my house and ask the Doña to give them food. She's done it too many times already, and she can't keep it up, so she ignores them. Dozens of little boys search the city streets for people whose shoes they can shine in order to earn money. A thriving underground sex trade captures the little girls, if not in Santiago itself, in other parts of the country. Lexa tells me that yesterday she visited a house where there was a little girl with a severe cerebral disability and that her sister was also her mother, meaning the father had raped her sister. None of them talked during the visit, but just stared with glazed eyes. The face of poverty and desperation.

It's so overwhelming. Maybe I'm just trying to make myself feel better about it and better about my own power to do something. But I do feel like we should each do what we can to help, even if it's only something simple that won't last. I can't change each of those cases of poverty in a sustainable way. It's not feasible. But I can do a little thing that might help out someone with diapers or baby formula for a month and make his afternoon. I guess that's what I can do right now so why not do it. It's about making connections. And putting life into perspective. And knowing that "with all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."

Paz y amor,
~Aysha~

Río Limpio

Heyyy everyone!

I hope you are all doing well wherever in the world you are. It's been a crazy past couple of weeks here what with the shit going on in Libya and trying to keep up with news from my family there while being in the middle of nowhere with no internet and only one area that gets phone service. But last week was great overall and I must say that even though the crisis in Libya is scary, it's pretty damn awesome at the same time. Anyway, first let me tell you about my week!

We went to a campo called Río Limpio for the week, located on the Haitian-DR border near the city of Dajabon. Here we stayed in cabins instead of with host families and worked with a group called "CREAR" that works to promote organic agriculture not only in their community but also was the pioneer in organic agriculture for the country. They also have a high school there that is two years and students can choose to finish their high school there and learn and work in organic agriculture. Some of them continue with it and others go to the university to study other things afterwards. The campo itself is very poor and is full of Haitians who have fled from their country to a slightly less poor one in hopes of a better future. The kids would always wave and say hi, ask us for money ("dame diez pesos!), and always ask for pictures. We would talk to them, I let them play with my camera, and they are the happiest and most adorable little kids. But they are covered in dirt, smell, many children have pot-bellies from malnutrition, snot hanging from their noses, naked babies running around, very few children with shoes, and rags as clothes. They sit outside their makeshift houses and play in the clay and have a great time just chilling everyday. The amount of poverty in the campo was very shocking, but at the same time, I felt no pity or anything--I mean, it was sad, but they were perfectly content and I know I can't just go in there and change anything, so I decided to just say hi and hang out with them and treat them like anyone else. Everyone was so friendly and treated us like family. I'm not here to change their lives, just to get to know them and make friends. The people are definitely the part I love the most about the campo because there is such a sense of community. In the city people either ignore you or harass you and its just such a loud and noisy environment. In the campo all you hear are trees swaying, birds making exotic sounds, a horse neighing in the distance, people shuffling dominoes and laughing, and silence. It's so relaxing. I feel like just the environment difference brings me back to the present and helps me enjoy every moment, whereas in the city I'm always focused on the future. I'm trying to bring that campo mentality back here with me to Santiago.

Anyway, during the mornings we got to go out into the fields and this old man, Domingo, would teach us the ropes about organic farming. Domingo is like the coolest old man ever, he's like 78 years old and he's that wise, humble, sweet old man that everyone wants as their grandpa. When he talks about the earth and farming, he closes his eyes and furrows his eyebrows and talks with such a passion that you can't help but smile. And he's like in better shape than any of us. The first day we got a tour of all the farmland and learned how to make organic fertilizer using dirt, pig poop, guineo leaves and stems, and straw. We learned how to wield the machete and discovered it's not as easy as it looks. It was hardd workk. The next day we went out to learn how to make a double bed for planting vegetables, which was also veryyy labor intensive. Every afternoon after lunch we would then work on our on-going project of building this awesome stove called "LORENA" at the CREAR center. Our program has built a lot of them in many communities in the past and this time our group of students was learning how to make it alongside the CREAR students and we all had to work together and learn together. We had to go out and "find" clay and dirt and sand and make mud and do lots of digging and lots of building, it was pretty intense because we were on a time limit for getting it done. It was pretty awesome and everyone was proud of it when we finished. It's not like we did something that changes much in the community but it's a little thing that goes a long way. We made friends with some awesome high school students and two of them, Carlitos and Paula, were so cool that I thought to myself "I want to be like you guys when I grow up" haha. We had a bonfire with all of them and it was their first time making smores. And we shared stories, jokes, sang songs, and had a great time.

Thursday I got sick with some kind of virus, or maybe heat stroke, so I was bed-ridden all day, that was no fun. But I felt amazing when I woke up the next morning. It was like I got hit by a train, died and then came back to life. That day everyone else went to visit a biodynamic farm (not even quite sure what that means but it's like even cooler than organic) and had a water fight in the river. Friday we left and headed to Dajabon to go to this huge market that happens every Monday and Friday and they open the Haitian border and people flood in and sell everything you could possibly need or want in order to get money to live. Sadly when we got there the border had been closed because of a Cholera outbreak on the other side. But apparently it can be a very overwhelming experience. We are trying to organize another day trip over there to see it.

Overall it was a great experience, and we were all sad and kind of slapped in the face when we had to leave and get back to the reality of the city life and our crazy program schedule with all our homework. But Saturday we had a retreat for our two-month check-in and went to this awesome Indian-Dominican fusion restaurant called "Blue Moon" in the mountains. They gave us three free drinks of their amazing Blue Moon special and we ate on the floor using platano leaves as plates and our hands as utensils (but only the right hand bc the left hand is reserved for "other stuff"). It was really cool, there was a pool but it was kind of windy and cold so I didn't go in. But it was nice.

Sunday night I went out to Carnaval in Santiago just to check it out since it's right by my house and I hadn't seen it yet. It was pretty cool and a lot more organized than the one in La Vega, also not as hot and there was more space. I was next to this little girl who started talking to me and asked me to take pictures of her with the different people in costume. Then I let her take some pictures with my camera and she wanted me to print them for her, but I told her I couldn't. So she took me over to her dad and I ended up getting his email and sent them to him. Me and the nine year old girl and her little brother hung out all night haha, and went to the monument and checked out all the activities. It was so much fun and then I ended up getting a motorcycle ride home. Good night.

So that's what I've been up to. I'm going to the beach this weekend!!! So exciteddd! It's been way too long. Just gotta get through this week. I went over to my neighbors house on Sunday too to use their internet and he ended up giving me a bunch of TV shows and a movie that he downloaded, so I've been bad about trying to watch House while doing my homework--or rather, trying to do my homework while watching House. Miss you guys! Much love!

Paz y amor,
~Aysha~

p.s. I tried to add pictures, but it's not working right now. If you have fb though, all my pics are there!

Las Hermanas Mirabal y Carnaval

Last Friday we went to visit the Mirabal Sisters Museum in Salcedo. The Mirabal sisters are 4 sisters who were revolutionaries who opposed the dictatorship of Rafael Trujillo who served (officially and unofficially) as president for about 30 years from 1930 until his assassination in 1961. Three of the sisters, Minerva, Patria, and María Teresa, were murdered in 1960 as a result of their political dissidence. They were strangled and beaten to death with their driver and then placed in their car and pushed of a mountain between Santiago and Puerto Plata to simulate a car crash. Dedé Mirabal is the only remaining sister alive today and lives in Salcedo in the house they grew up in, near the museum. Sadly she was not around when we went to visit, otherwise we could've had the chance to talk to her. But we toured the museum, which is basically the house they lived in for the 10 years before their death and an insight into a little bit of their lives. The tour guide gave us some of the history and we also saw the skeleton of the car that they were found in. It was a very powerful image to see and the whole museum itself with all of their pictures, belongings, and clothes still intact (and the long braid of one of the sisters) because it made everything very real. These were real young women who opposed to killings and corruption of Trujillo and they were taking action against his regime. Their death was the inspiration for the International Day for the Elimination of Violence Against Women on November 25th (the day of their murder). I also bought a famous book called "In the Time of the Butterflies" ("butterflies" was their code name) in spanish, which tells the story of their lives and how they became involved in the anti-Trujillo movement, and their deaths. It's an amazing book and I pick it up every time I have free time, it's hard to put down. I had a talk with my host mom about it and about the Trujillo regime. It was really interesting because in the book, the sisters, just like the rest of the country, originally had no idea that Trujillo was committing atrocities. People used to hang a picture of Trujillo up right next to their picture of Jesus Christ. My host mom said it used to be that God was upstairs, and Trujillo was the God on Earth. It's so crazy. But his atrocities were eventually revealed and the people ended up assassinating him in 1961. Man, the DR has a crazyyy history. The 3 Mirabal Sisters' faces are now on the 500 peso bill.

On a lighter note, that Sunday we went to Carnaval in La Vega. Carnaval is a celebration that happens every Sunday in February (we have one in Santiago too, but the one in La Vega is supposed to be bigger). It's a day where people dress up in weird, elaborate, and kinda scary costumes and they carry around whips that are cow bladders filled with cow poop. They whip everyone in the butt with them (and it hurts the HELL!!!) and walk around in a parade being all scary. Lots of us left with big bruises on our butts, many of my friends still have their bruises. But it's like an agreement that by going to Carnaval you are accepting the fact that you are going to be whipped. The streets are closed off and it is PACKED and super loud, music blasting everywhere, people drinking and dancing. Very typical Dominican setting. The day is supposed to represent releasing all the devil in yourself before Easter and is associated mainly with Catholicism. It was an experience...haha...I like it for about the first hour, but we were there for like 6 hours and that was tooo much for me. I didn't think was that impressive that I needed to be there for 6 hours. But now I can say I saw it and I got whipped and everything! Oh and some guy put a bunch of snakes on me at one point, that was cool haha.There were people (mainly kids) waling around with this dried up mud all over them and these masks and they were asking for money. I'm not quite sure what the significance exactly was but I'm guessing it was just a creative way of showing their poverty at Carnaval.
One of the costumes, each group had different costumes. These costumes cost thousands of dollars.
Snakesssssss!!!


So that was last weekend. I also finally went shopping and got a few things to make me fit in more with the Dominicans haha. This week has been classes and finalizing things for my research project. Now I have to go write up a questionnaire to hand out next week. I'm evaluating how much the community members learn from the program by doing a before and after test. It's more complicated than just that, but I don't want to explain it all now bc my comp is going to die. But I feel better about that whole thing now. Next week we are headed to a campo called Río Limpio from Sunday to Friday and we'll be learning about organic farming. More to come when I get back!

Love y'all and miss you!

Paz y amor,
~Aysha~

To Hell With Good Intentions

The following is a speech given by Ivan Illich that we just read in one of my classes. It's pretty good and makes you think a lot and question what you are doing. I don't agree with him 100% but I agree with a lot of things he says. Take a look, it's interesting:

To Hell with Good Intentions
by Ivan Illich

An address by Monsignor Ivan Illich to the Conference on InterAmerican Student Projects (CIASP) in Cuernavaca, Mexico, on April 20, 1968. In his usual biting and sometimes sarcastic style, Illich goes to the heart of the deep dangers of paternalism inherent in any voluntary service activity, but especially in any international service "mission." Parts of the speech are outdated and must be viewed in the historical context of 1968 when it was delivered, but the entire speech is retained for the full impact of his point and at Ivan Illich's request.

IN THE CONVERSATIONS WHICH I HAVE HAD TODAY, I was impressed by two things, and I want to state them before I launch into my prepared talk.

I was impressed by your insight that the motivation of U.S. volunteers overseas springs mostly from very alienated feelings and concepts. I was equally impressed, by what I interpret as a step forward among would-be volunteers like you: openness to the idea that the only thing you can legitimately volunteer for in Latin America might be voluntary powerlessness, voluntary presence as receivers, as such, as hopefully beloved or adopted ones without any way of returning the gift.

I was equally impressed by the hypocrisy of most of you: by the hypocrisy of the atmosphere prevailing here. I say this as a brother speaking to brothers and sisters. I say it against many resistances within me; but it must be said. Your very insight, your very openness to evaluations of past programs make you hypocrites because you - or at least most of you - have decided to spend this next summer in Mexico, and therefore, you are unwilling to go far enough in your reappraisal of your program. You close your eyes because you want to go ahead and could not do so if you looked at some facts.

It is quite possible that this hypocrisy is unconscious in most of you. Intellectually, you are ready to see that the motivations which could legitimate volunteer action overseas in 1963 cannot be invoked for the same action in 1968. "Mission-vacations" among poor Mexicans were "the thing" to do for well-off U.S. students earlier in this decade: sentimental concern for newly-discovered. poverty south of the border combined with total blindness to much worse poverty at home justified such benevolent excursions. Intellectual insight into the difficulties of fruitful volunteer action had not sobered the spirit of Peace Corps Papal-and-Self-Styled Volunteers.

Today, the existence of organizations like yours is offensive to Mexico. I wanted to make this statement in order to explain why I feel sick about it all and in order to make you aware that good intentions have not much to do with what we are discussing here. To hell with good intentions. This is a theological statement. You will not help anybody by your good intentions. There is an Irish saying that the road to hell is paved with good intentions; this sums up the same theological insight.

The very frustration which participation in CIASP programs might mean for you, could lead you to new awareness: the awareness that even North Americans can receive the gift of hospitality without the slightest ability to pay for it; the awareness that for some gifts one cannot even say "thank you."

Now to my prepared statement.

Ladies and Gentlemen:

For the past six years I have become known for my increasing opposition to the presence of any and all North American "dogooders" in Latin America. I am sure you know of my present efforts to obtain the voluntary withdrawal of all North American volunteer armies from Latin America - missionaries, Peace Corps members and groups like yours, a "division" organized for the benevolent invasion of Mexico. You were aware of these things when you invited me - of all people - to be the main speaker at your annual convention. This is amazing! I can only conclude that your invitation means one of at least three things:

Some among you might have reached the conclusion that CIASP should either dissolve altogether, or take the promotion of voluntary aid to the Mexican poor out of its institutional purpose. Therefore you might have invited me here to help others reach this same decision.

You might also have invited me because you want to learn how to deal with people who think the way I do - how to dispute them successfully. It has now become quite common to invite Black Power spokesmen to address Lions Clubs. A "dove" must always be included in a public dispute organized to increase U.S. belligerence.

And finally, you might have invited me here hoping that you would be able to agree with most of what I say, and then go ahead in good faith and work this summer in Mexican villages. This last possibility is only open to those who do not listen, or who cannot understand me.

I did not come here to argue. I am here to tell you, if possible to convince you, and hopefully, to stop you, from pretentiously imposing yourselves on Mexicans.

I do have deep faith in the enormous good will of the U.S. volunteer. However, his good faith can usually be explained only by an abysmal lack of intuitive delicacy. By definition, you cannot help being ultimately vacationing salesmen for the middle-class "American Way of Life," since that is really the only life you know. A group like this could not have developed unless a mood in the United States had supported it - the belief that any true American must share God's blessings with his poorer fellow men. The idea that every American has something to give, and at all times may, can and should give it, explains why it occurred to students that they could help Mexican peasants "develop" by spending a few months in their villages.

Of course, this surprising conviction was supported by members of a missionary order, who would have no reason to exist unless they had the same conviction - except a much stronger one. It is now high time to cure yourselves of this. You, like the values you carry, are the products of an American society of achievers and consumers, with its two-party system, its universal schooling, and its family-car affluence. You are ultimately-consciously or unconsciously - "salesmen" for a delusive ballet in the ideas of democracy, equal opportunity and free enterprise among people who haven't the possibility of profiting from these.

Next to money and guns, the third largest North American export is the U.S. idealist, who turns up in every theater of the world: the teacher, the volunteer, the missionary, the community organizer, the economic developer, and the vacationing do-gooders. Ideally, these people define their role as service. Actually, they frequently wind up alleviating the damage done by money and weapons, or "seducing" the "underdeveloped" to the benefits of the world of affluence and achievement. Perhaps this is the moment to instead bring home to the people of the U.S. the knowledge that the way of life they have chosen simply is not alive enough to be shared.

By now it should be evident to all America that the U.S. is engaged in a tremendous struggle to survive. The U.S. cannot survive if the rest of the world is not convinced that here we have Heaven-on-Earth. The survival of the U.S. depends on the acceptance by all so-called "free" men that the U.S. middle class has "made it." The U.S. way of life has become a religion which must be accepted by all those who do not want to die by the sword - or napalm. All over the globe the U.S. is fighting to protect and develop at least a minority who consume what the U.S. majority can afford. Such is the purpose of the Alliance for Progress of the middle-classes which the U.S. signed with Latin America some years ago. But increasingly this commercial alliance must be protected by weapons which allow the minority who can "make it" to protect their acquisitions and achievements.

But weapons are not enough to permit minority rule. The marginal masses become rambunctious unless they are given a "Creed," or belief which explains the status quo. This task is given to the U.S. volunteer - whether he be a member of CLASP or a worker in the so-called "Pacification Programs" in Viet Nam.

The United States is currently engaged in a three-front struggle to affirm its ideals of acquisitive and achievement-oriented "Democracy." I say "three" fronts, because three great areas of the world are challenging the validity of a political and social system which makes the rich ever richer, and the poor increasingly marginal to that system.

In Asia, the U.S. is threatened by an established power -China. The U.S. opposes China with three weapons: the tiny Asian elites who could not have it any better than in an alliance with the United States; a huge war machine to stop the Chinese from "taking over" as it is usually put in this country, and; forcible re-education of the so-called "Pacified" peoples. All three of these efforts seem to be failing.

In Chicago, poverty funds, the police force and preachers seem to be no more successful in their efforts to check the unwillingness of the black community to wait for graceful integration into the system.

And finally, in Latin America the Alliance for Progress has been quite successful in increasing the number of people who could not be better off - meaning the tiny, middle-class elites - and has created ideal conditions for military dictatorships. The dictators were formerly at the service of the plantation owners, but now they protect the new industrial complexes. And finally, you come to help the underdog accept his destiny within this process!

All you will do in a Mexican village is create disorder. At best, you can try to convince Mexican girls that they should marry a young man who is self-made, rich, a consumer, and as disrespectful of tradition as one of you. At worst, in your "community development" spirit you might create just enough problems to get someone shot after your vacation ends_ and you rush back to your middleclass neighborhoods where your friends make jokes about "spits" and "wetbacks."

You start on your task without any training. Even the Peace Corps spends around $10,000 on each corps member to help him adapt to his new environment and to guard him against culture shock. How odd that nobody ever thought about spending money to educate poor Mexicans in order to prevent them from the culture shock of meeting you?

In fact, you cannot even meet the majority which you pretend to serve in Latin America - even if you could speak their language, which most of you cannot. You can only dialogue with those like you - Latin American imitations of the North American middle class. There is no way for you to really meet with the underprivileged, since there is no common ground whatsoever for you to meet on.

Let me explain this statement, and also let me explain why most Latin Americans with whom you might be able to communicate would disagree with me.

Suppose you went to a U.S. ghetto this summer and tried to help the poor there "help themselves." Very soon you would be either spit upon or laughed at. People offended by your pretentiousness would hit or spit. People who understand that your own bad consciences push you to this gesture would laugh condescendingly. Soon you would be made aware of your irrelevance among the poor, of your status as middle-class college students on a summer assignment. You would be roundly rejected, no matter if your skin is white-as most of your faces here are-or brown or black, as a few exceptions who got in here somehow.

Your reports about your work in Mexico, which you so kindly sent me, exude self-complacency. Your reports on past summers prove that you are not even capable of understanding that your dogooding in a Mexican village is even less relevant than it would be in a U.S. ghetto. Not only is there a gulf between what you have and what others have which is much greater than the one existing between you and the poor in your own country, but there is also a gulf between what you feel and what the Mexican people feel that is incomparably greater. This gulf is so great that in a Mexican village you, as White Americans (or cultural white Americans) can imagine yourselves exactly the way a white preacher saw himself when he offered his life preaching to the black slaves on a plantation in Alabama. The fact that you live in huts and eat tortillas for a few weeks renders your well-intentioned group only a bit more picturesque.

The only people with whom you can hope to communicate with are some members of the middle class. And here please remember that I said "some" -by which I mean a tiny elite in Latin America.

You come from a country which industrialized early and which succeeded in incorporating the great majority of its citizens into the middle classes. It is no social distinction in the U.S. to have graduated from the second year of college. Indeed, most Americans now do. Anybody in this country who did not finish high school is considered underprivileged.

In Latin America the situation is quite different: 75% of all people drop out of school before they reach the sixth grade. Thus, people who have finished high school are members of a tiny minority. Then, a minority of that minority goes on for university training. It is only among these people that you will find your educational equals.

At the same time, a middle class in the United States is the majority. In Mexico, it is a tiny elite. Seven years ago your country began and financed a so-called "Alliance for Progress." This was an "Alliance" for the "Progress" of the middle class elites. Now. it is among the members of this middle class that you will find a few people who are willing to send their time with you_ And they are overwhelmingly those "nice kids" who would also like to soothe their troubled consciences by "doing something nice for the promotion of the poor Indians." Of course, when you and your middleclass Mexican counterparts meet, you will be told that you are doing something valuable, that you are "sacrificing" to help others.

And it will be the foreign priest who will especially confirm your self-image for you. After all, his livelihood and sense of purpose depends on his firm belief in a year-round mission which is of the same type as your summer vacation-mission.

There exists the argument that some returned volunteers have gained insight into the damage they have done to others - and thus become more mature people. Yet it is less frequently stated that most of them are ridiculously proud of their "summer sacrifices." Perhaps there is also something to the argument that young men should be promiscuous for awhile in order to find out that sexual love is most beautiful in a monogamous relationship. Or that the best way to leave LSD alone is to try it for awhile -or even that the best way of understanding that your help in the ghetto is neither needed nor wanted is to try, and fail. I do not agree with this argument. The damage which volunteers do willy-nilly is too high a price for the belated insight that they shouldn't have been volunteers in the first place.

If you have any sense of responsibility at all, stay with your riots here at home. Work for the coming elections: You will know what you are doing, why you are doing it, and how to communicate with those to whom you speak. And you will know when you fail. If you insist on working with the poor, if this is your vocation, then at least work among the poor who can tell you to go to hell. It is incredibly unfair for you to impose yourselves on a village where you are so linguistically deaf and dumb that you don't even understand what you are doing, or what people think of you. And it is profoundly damaging to yourselves when you define something that you want to do as "good," a "sacrifice" and "help."

I am here to suggest that you voluntarily renounce exercising the power which being an American gives you. I am here to entreat you to freely, consciously and humbly give up the legal right you have to impose your benevolence on Mexico. I am here to challenge you to recognize your inability, your powerlessness and your incapacity to do the "good" which you intended to do.

I am here to entreat you to use your money, your status and your education to travel in Latin America. Come to look, come to climb our mountains, to enjoy our flowers. Come to study. But do not come to help.

Se fue la luz

We spent this past thursday to sunday in a campo called "Río Grande Abajo" where we stayed two people to one host family and worked with this awesome group of youth in the community called "Brigada Verde". Their mission is to promote a more green lifestyle in their community. We helped them out this weekend by giving some charlas (talks) at some schools about cholera, dengue, and garbage disposal and how they are all interconnected. We did this with posters, dramas, and candy =P We also provided the community with garbage cans that we painted since they don't have any and throw the garbage on the ground. Then we painted a couple murals in the community center with the Brigada Verde. It was an amazing time, I didn't want to leave. The people there are so wonderful and there is such a strong sense of community. Everyone knows everyone else and it has that small town feel. The environment is beautiful and so green. It's in the mountains near Puerto Plata and and the views are gorgeous. The lifestyle is so simple. Most people are farmers and everyone lives very modestly. My host mom was great, very sweet, and said I can come back any time. I know living there would be hard because they lack basic necessities, but I almost wish we lived there rather than the crazy city. There isn't a ton of pollution or sounds of cars honking all the time. But they also often don't have electricity and sometimes no running water. Definitely no warm water. One time I was in the middle of washing my face and the water stopped running haha. Showers are from a bucket of water. Inside the houses there are no doors, just curtains separating the rooms. Lots of mosquitoes and my mosquito net had holes in it so i got eaten alive. I swear i have the biggest mosquito bite in existence, it covers my whole thigh. Because of all the animals and the not so great waste system, it smelled like poop or barf a lot of the time. Etc etc...
Us in front of our murals that we painted that you can't see... haha. Check facebook for more and better pictures of everything.

One of the charlas at one of the schools.

Me eating cacao (cocoa) in the fruit form. It tastes nothing like chocolate but is very sweet and delicious. You sucks on the little white balls until all the flavor is gone and then spit it out.



And yet with all these little things that make me appreciate my living situation in Santiago so much more, I still love the campo and find myself feeling more at home there than I ever have in the city. Everyone treats you like family and all the youth are really fun to hang around. And they really care about trying to improve their environment and wanting to help. I felt safe there, whereas in the city it's hard to ever feel safe. I mean, there were definitely a few creepy old men who I did not like very much, but for the most part people were great.


I'm not sure what it was, but it was really great to get away from the city for four days and be in the campo. On the last day none of us wanted to leave. But I didn't stay sad too long because we went directly to this place called "27 Charcos" which means "27 waterfalls" and yes, I JUMPED OFF OF TWENTY-SEVEN WATERFALLS! It was pretty awesome. So much fun. Some of them actually terrified me and I just did it but it was soo scary! I took some pictures with a waterproof disposable camera so hopefully they turn out and I can post them later. That was great. Now I'm feeling pretty good and happy, not looking forward to going back to classes tomorrow, but I just keep telling myself to get through the next two weeks because then we have a week long rural stay in another campo! Im trying really hard to just have fun and not take things too seriously, especially with stressful things like academics and the big research capstone. I need to figure out what I'm going to research asap because I've fallen behind and so that's been a point of stress and unhappiness, but I'm trying to tell myself that I know it will get done and stressing is worthless. I don't have much time here so I really need to enjoy it and be happy about what I'm doing rather than stress out.

Anyway, it's late and I'm soooo beyond tired. Waking up tomorrow is gonna suckkk! I love you all and miss you! Hope all is well wherever in the world you are =)

Paz y amor,
~Aysha~

One Month Mark

I can't believe I've been here for a month already! Less than 4 months to go. The program ends on May 1st, but I'm staying until the 21st to do some exploring with my parents when they come visit. We just had our one month check-in retreat on Friday and we all went to this place in the mountains called Jarabacoa. It was beautiful, green, lush, lots of flowers, and the sounds of birds rather than the city sounds of cars, car alarms, roosters, and dogs. It was a really relaxing environment and we did some group activities and reflections on what we have experienced so far. It was a nice little check-in. Time is going to go by so fast here. The weekdays fly by because we are so busy and it will only get busier as we become more involved with our organizations and start our research. I'll be home before I know it.

I love it here and I sometimes don't like it, but overall I have no regrets and my goal is to stay happy and positive here even when things get tough. There are a lot of challenges I have to face here but it's all a great experience and I just need to take a step back and not take anything too seriously.

Let's see, what have I done since I last posted? Well, we had a four day weekend last weekend and my friends and I went to the beach in Las Terranas, Samaná to relax. We sneaked 6 of us in a room meant for 3 people and stayed there for three nights, chilling on the beach, drinking piña coladas, sun bathing, swimming in the warm beautiful water, and eating good food at the nearby restaurants. I promise I'll do a food post soon! So that was a nice relaxing weekend, very much needed.

Other than that our weekly routine has started. We have classes in the mornings and then go home for lunch if we have time and then leave for our organizations at 1:30pm and stay there until about 6pm. Then we go home, eat dinner, do homework, and go to bed. I've been having trouble staying awake past 8:30pm here, that's how exhausting everything is. There is no time to do anything during the week, not even go to the bank. I went 4 days without any money because I literally had no time to walk to the bank and change money. The only time I have is when it's dark and it's not smart to go change money on the streets by yourself when it's dark. I actually went to the bank when it was dark though because I knew I wouldn't have any other time until the weekend, but the bank was closed by then anyway. I ended up asking my director to trade me dollars for pesos so I didn't have to keep borrowing from other people. That's just an example, but we literally have zero minutes of free time during the week. It kinda sucks. And Sunday everything is closed, literally. So Saturday is the only day to do everything. But I'm learning how to plan my schedule and what I need to do, it's just stressful during the week sometimes, especially with homework. I don't always have internet, so sometimes homework is hard to plan. But it's alright, I'm getting used to it, and it makes time go by fast when we're so busy.

Someone (I'm 98% sure it was my maid) stole $400 from my room, so that has been a not so fun ordeal lately. I told my host mom and she was really good about the whole situation and when she asked the maid about it, she ended up getting really offended and decided to leave, so now we're looking for a new maid. I feel really bad about the whole situation, but I know I had to do something about it. This had never happened to my host mom in the 20 years that she's had exchange students stay with her so she was really shocked and said she will pay me back incrementally. I feel bad though because it's not her fault, but I do need the money back. Anyway, now I have my suitcase locked and I lock the door to my room whenever I leave.

So that's what I've been up to lately, I think I'll try to post more throughout the week about specific topics: host family, food, academics, community organizations, conchos, noises, piropos, water, etc. Lots of topics deserve their own little post. I hope everyone is doing well! I miss you guys! Now I'm gonna take a nap....

Bipolar

It's been officially over two weeks since I've been here and the pace is going to pick up pretty fast. This is all gonna be over before I know it. And then I'll wonder if it ever even happened.

So overall I'm enjoying this experience a lot, but I have to admit I've been pretty bipolar since I've been here. A lot of it has to deal with personal issues, but a good portion of it is dependent on whether or not I'm drenched in sweat and whether or not I'm being harassed by tigeres (the name for creepy men who think women are their playtoys). So basically I tend to be in a good mood when I'm on campus or inside my house or something, but as soon as I walk outside, I sweat bullets and get harassed non-stop. This is also why I've started waking up at 5 or 6am every morning to go running because it's the only time the creeps aren't out, and for those of you who know me well, you know I would never wake up that early unless I had no other option. I was talking to Elaine about all this earlier (she's the super awesome director of the program) and she gave me some advice, but it's going to be really hard for me to get used to. I hate being passive about it. Usually I start off by ignoring the first few men, then i get really angry and usually flip off a few people, but after multiple men honking their horns, staring incessantly with hungry eyes (sometimes i feel violated just by the way they stare at me), hissing, and yelling obscenities, i start to feel resigned, defeated, and powerless. Maybe that's what they want. Women to feel powerless. It's hard for me to understand and it makes me really sad, especially when boys who look about 7 years old start imitating the older men. Yes, I've been hissed at by men of all ages, from 7 years to about 70 years old. There is always at least one part of the day where I end up going through this sequence of feelings when i walk outside--happy, then i get yelled at and at first im passive, then aggressive, and then feel defeated and drained of all my fight. And I end up in such a bad mood and all I can think is "fuck this godforsaken country and everyone in it!" I know I shouldn't let it get to me so much and I'm trying, but it's not easy and it's not something I want to "get used to". I know I can't really do anything about it though. Maybe I'm being culturally insensitive or something, but I can tolerate many different beliefs and customs, just not this one. And I don't hate the country and everyone in it, I just get in that mood sometimes (well usually once every day haha). There are a lot of things I love and hate about the DR.

Love: my host family, my university, my professors, the people in my program, the support students, some cool dominicans i've met, the nightlife, the exchange rate =P , the beaches, the environment, the organizations, the fact that i walked into a bathroom one night and ended up getting a mini make-over by another woman who decided she needed to do my hair and makeup, the people (except for the tigeres), the kids, the communities, the culture, the food (well, not all of it, i'll make a post just dedicated to food one of these days, and i've decided not to be veggie here), the traditions, etc. too many things to list.

Hate: the constant harassment, the humidity, the double-standards on women, the incredible socio-economic class differences, the racism, the pollution, the crazy drivers who just barely missed running me over yesterday, the government.

So it's a mezcla of love and hate. I just needed to vent a little about the whole tigere thing because it was driving me nuts earlier. I'm all good now though, but I know the cycle will start again tomorrow. I think I would be enjoying myself so much more if that aspect was not included.

Bueno, other than that I'm doing really well. I just found out yesterday that I'm working with an organization called "Fundación Cuidado Infantil Dominicano" which in english is roughly "Dominican foundation for infant care" or something like that. It's actually not just about infant care anymore, they just never changed their name. I'm working there with my friend Lexa from Clark, but we're in different programs in the organization. I'm working in the PITS program (prevention of STDs) and I'm not 100% sure what my role will be, but this week and next week I am basically shadowing "my people" and watching what they do and how it all works, and then I will become more integrated. They mainly do visits to the communities and they work with what are probably the top 3 largest and poorest ghettos in Santiago. We'll be doing house visits and holding community meetings to teach a curriculum regarding the prevention of STDs. We will also be doing research and collecting survey data and doing office work. I'll be working on my own research project that is related to the topic and I will eventually add my own extension to the program based on my results.

I'll be going to my organization at least 3 days a week for 3 hours, but that will most likely increase as the semester goes on. I'm SOOOOO EXCITEDDD! This week my group in the PITS program is doing some office work and curriculum planning, so there isn't much for me to do yet, so I'll be going around and observing other aspects of the organization in order to get a better idea of what they do as a whole. I can't wait to see everything and get started in my program!!! I know there will be a lot of challenges especially with the communities I'll be working in, but as we are continually told, "guilt is a useless emotion". It's hard to remember this and stick to it, but i know I have to because it's reality, it's life, and right now I just need to focus on dealing with people as people and not as things to be pitied. This weekend I was hanging out at the monument at night with some friends (the monument is the highest point in the city center and is there to recognize the heroes of the restoration) and a man walked up to us asking for money so he could go to the hospital. His showed us his arm. His humerus bone was completely snapped in half and part of the bone was sticking out. One day jsut walking around I saw two legless people and someone whose leg was completely dislocated sideways. But these are normal images. There is only one public hospital in Santiago and it's always packed and many people don't have the money to be treated. Also, the nearby city Puerta Plata doesn't have a hospital, so they all flood into the Santiago one. It's so sad and frustrating, but it's reality, it's life.



Well, even though this was kind of a negative/depressing entry, trust me when I say I am having an amazing time here! I just needed a space to vent about the bad stuff, sorry guys. I'm sooo psyched to start with my organization tomorrow! This weekend we went out and explored the vibrant nightlife in Santiago and it was really fun. We danced some bachata and merengue and went to a discoteca. Compared to Dominican women though, I feel superrr underdressed even in my nicer clothes. They're always super fancy. That girl in the bathroom who gave me the mini make-over was probably thinking "ay dios mio, she needs help, she can't go out looking like that!" I think I should go shopping soon...haha. This weekend I also finally caught up on some sleep, only to start losing it again today, but it's okay, I'm having fun, who needs sleep anyway? Although, I do go to bed much earlier here. It's almost 10pm and I'm about to crash any second. I'm starting to get used to the farm animal noises at night, but I'm not quite there.

I think I need to have different entries for different themes instead of writing about everything in one post, I can't believe how long this got. I bet no one is even reading this far lol. Oh well, if nothing it's good for my personal sanity. Next post will be shorter, I SWEAR! =P Love you all and hope everything is going great wherever in the world you may be!

Paz y amor,
~Aysha~